Thursday, April 14, 2011

Typical Guy

I was talking to a friend of mine the other day and he told me a friend of his read my blog and her only comment was "typical guy". I couldn't help thinking about it when I got home that night.

I used to be a typical guy back in the 70's. Being a typical guy was cool. It meant you were a man's man. Then in the 80's-90's there was a big push for men to be sensitive and treat women as equals. The problem was that no matter what they said, women didn't really dig the metro-sexual, Nancy-boy type. The hot women continued to like the manly, take charge, just a bit of a bad boy kind of man. That's why women have always liked cops. Uniformed, carrying hand cuffs with a loaded weapon kind of cops. It was really a push by the feminist movement, comprised mainly of butch lesbians and tomboys (which is ironic) that spread like a cancer to the entire female population for a while.*

*No need to fill my comment section (I wish) with negative comments calling me anti-gay. I, like many of my typical male counterparts, fully support the lesbian and female bi-sexual community.

Think about it. Do women really want an atypical guy? No. Women want a gentleman, but a gentleman with swagger. They don't want a guy crying into his hanky because he knows Lamar is going to eventually cheat on Khloe and while she's not much to look at, she's a beautiful person. Luckily it wasn't long before most women realized they missed having manly men that put them on a pedestal . 

Young men tend to look at things through reality colored glasses. Young women seem to romanticize everything. While a pregnant woman in a bikini is clearly not an attractive site, women think the state of pregnancy is beautiful and therefore think everything about being pregnant is beautiful. While the concept is easy enough to understand, it's difficult to comprehend that this "beer goggle" effect (altering reality) can happen without the alcohol. Following through with our example, the multicolored ball of flesh that comes through the birth canal and squeezes out of what looks like a giant, man eating vagina is not a pretty site. This is why men in pre-enlightenment days stayed out in the waiting room.

The same is true when the baby comes home. Just for the record I love kids more than anyone, especially my own, but they're admittedly a lot more fun when they grow out of the baby stage and into the kid stage when they can actually play with you. And when I say play, I mean the kind of play where they can interact with you in some sort of intelligent manner. Not the kind of play where you put them in the tub and fill it up with water to see if they'll float. I think that's why my parents named my brother Bob. I'm pretty sure he was a floater. But I digress.

The point is that when the baby was crying all night and I had to change the diaper I wasn't thinking "Oh, this bundle of joy is such a little miracle!" I don't know how, but the mothers do think that, even while the little baby boys are spraying urine all over the room like an unmanned fire hose. To be honest, I never got up in the middle of the night because I always slept through the crying and never awoke. But it still had an adverse effect on my well being as the wife frequently reminded me that I always slept through the crying and never awoke.

I'm not a sex object. These are just for balance
I still remember the day I was home with my daughter and she was in the playpen. I threw one of those soft cloth balls at her and hit her in the butt. It was the first time she ever laughed! I thought to myself "Thank God, it's finally human!" The wife claims it's one of her most vivid memories. She wasn't there at the time but that's a story for another day.

Once men are old enough to be in any sort of long term relationship, they have been pounded into submission by relentless hounding from the women to be more honest and open with their feelings and to stop acknowledging the obvious. For instance, ugly women are not ugly because their inner beauty shines through and makes them beautiful inside and out. But we just pretend to stop objectifying women because we are incapable of actually stopping. Yes, there are women who indeed enjoy and encourage men to objectify them especially when there are free drinks involved, but these women are considered skanks and whores by the other women. The other women would be those who are married or unattractive.

Click to enlarge
These other women wouldn't admit it but they too wish to be objectified. The secret could no longer be kept with the advent of breast implants. The latest figures I saw stated there were over 300,000 breast augmentation surgeries done in 2007. Even if the number didn't grow each year, that's a million women every 3 years in the United States alone. That's a lot of skanks and whores when you consider that aside from the small percentage that are done to compensate for some sort of disfigurement, the only other reason to get them is so that she can be seen as a sex object. The typical woman is now a butter face.

After much life experience men realize they've been living a lie and come full circle back to reality. Guys at some point go 'Charlie Sheen' and start saying whatever they think whether it's politically correct or not. The problem is that no one takes you seriously. The wife just waves me off and says "Don't pay any attention to Tom. He thinks he's being funny." And my twenty-something friends say "Don't mind Tom. He's just a crazy old man." What the hell? I'm serious!

Click to enlarge
As an example, not every baby in the world is cute. Some of them are downright ugly. Do you know where ugly babies come from? Ugly parents. They know they're ugly and they decided to bring a facially challenged child into the world. You don't think they married a 3 and thought of themselves as an 8 or 9 do you? If you're marrying a 3 then you're somewhere between 1 and 5 and you know it. There is never more than a plus or minus 2 in a relationship barring extenuating circumstances like money and fame.

So are women a little on the crazy, emotional roller-coaster, illogical side? Of course they are, with the redheads more than a little. I don't know why but every redhead woman I've ever met has been the psycho, schizoid, kind of scary type. Are men on the insensitive, inattentive, unemotional side? Of course. And since women have no problem expressing their feelings without holding back, I think men should be able to express their un-feelings in the same way. If that makes me typical, so be it.

No comments:

Post a Comment