Saturday, May 7, 2011

In The News

Donald Trump is considering running for president. He won't have a running mate though. He's going to select his cabinet members and then fire one of them every week. Last man standing will be the Apprentice Vice President.

While some are criticizing  his lack of foreign policy experience, he has a novel approach to ensuring world peace. If elected, he will buy Iran and North Korea. Iran will be renamed Iranka. North Korea will become a task on the next Celebrity Apprentice. Team members will be challenged to turn the country (Trumponia) into a fledgling democracy.  Teams will be judged on creativity, originality and brand messaging. His knowledge of world affairs did come into question though, when asked what he would do about the conflict in the Jewish homeland. He said he didn't know there was a problem in Hollywood.

His wife could arguably be the best looking first lady to grace the White House, or Trump Palace as it's sure to become known. On the other hand, either of his sons could be named to a cabinet seat as Secretary of Ugly.

He won't be making use of the presidential helicopter. He's concerned the pilot may mistake his head for the helipad. 

In reference to a scandal that rocked the White House during the Clinton administration, Trump said no interns would be allowed anywhere near the Trump Tower during his presidency.

How about some other reality stars running for president? Jeff Probst from Survivor would be a good one. He would eliminate war by having the leaders of the warring factions compete in challenges with the winner moving on and the loser becoming a member of the jury United Nations. Karma's a bitch.

Joy Behar from The View could make peace between Israel and Palestine. Both sides would agree to a peace agreement if she would JUST SHUT UP!

Christina Aguilera turned out to be a disappointment. She seemed to have it all together as her peers Britteny, Lindsey Lohan, Paris Hilton and others had melt downs or ended up in jail. But then she married the ugliest man in the world and let him father her child. After coming to her senses and leaving him she went on a party binge and worst of all got fat. So much for being beautiful in every single way.

They couldn't wait to start the honeymoon
The Royal Wedding has taken place. I really don't understand the public fascination with it. The royal family has no real power. They're just wealthy people who like to play dress up and pretend that being heir to the throne actually means something. Now wed, they are the Duke and Duchess of Somewhereorother.

She obviously married him for his royalty and not his looks. She is far better looking except for the weird gum thing she has going on between her two front teeth. But again, still better than his which look like yellow rabbit teeth. That didn't stop the newlyweds from locking lips on the balcony of the palace as throngs of their subjects numbering 500,000 roared with approval. Sir Elton John was in attendance adding to the gayety of the celebration, while Victoria Beckham added the spice.

After ten years on the hunt, U.S. forces finally caught up with Osama and put two bullets in his head. According to his beliefs, he will now travel to the afterlife and be rewarded by Allah with forty virgins. If it were me, I'd trade the forty virgins in for two girls who knew what they were doing. But that's just me.


  1. Lol i dunno what to say, i cant tell if ur a mad troll or just stupid...

  2. I don't know what you mean?? I didn't think I was either. Just trying to have a laugh.