Saturday, June 20, 2009

Hockey, Where's the Love?

Let's look at the big 3 first.

BASEBALL: Mind numbing, slit your wrists boring! I was given some free tickets and went to the game but the only thing that kept me there for a few innings was the hot dogs which are awesome and the nachos which are pretty good too. Then I left. The game is so slow that when you watch it on TV you can channel surf between pitches and not miss any of the game. The only game more boring than baseball is soccer. Nuff said.

FOOTBALL: Not too bad really but there is still a lot of down time between plays. And that's not counting the 16 time outs each team gets in each half of the game. I don't watch during the regular season but I do tune into the playoffs and Superbowl. I always tune out right after the game though because the p0st game interviews make me cringe.

BASKETBALL: Where do I begin? The most exciting part of any team sport is when your team scores. A runner crosses the plate and the crowd roars! A running back breaks through the line and jumps into the end zone and the whole stadium is on its' feet! A fleet footed right winger races down the ice and rips a slap shot over the goalies' glove hand and the cheers are deafening. When both teams score 50 times a game, not so exciting.

Add the fact that there is a stoppage in play every time there is a foul (every other minute) and there is no flow to the game at all. Here I actually have some constructive criticism that would help speed up the game and make it a little more exciting. NO MORE FOUL SHOTS! If a foul is committed, 1 or 2 points are awarded according to the foul and play goes on. I guarantee there will be far less fouls and a faster paced game. Besides, doesn't it irk you to watch a guy who gets paid millions of dollars to play basketball miss a freakin' free throw? Here too it's prudent to change the channel before the post game interviews.

Now let's try and think of what would make a perfect spectator sport. Something fast and exciting. A game that doesn't have a lot of stoppages. So few in fact that the players have to change on and off the playing field while the play is in progress! A contact sport where you can hit your opponent as hard and often as you like. And if you really get pissed off you can beat the crap out of him with the only punishment being a 5 minute "time out" in the corner.

OMG! That's hockey! Players skating at speeds approaching 30 mph shooting a frozen piece of vulcanized rubber (basically a rock) at speeds of 100 mph and up. Play often going 6, 7 or 8 minutes at a time without a whistle and rule changes when possible to have even less stoppages. A contact sport where guys with broken ribs continue to play with a flak jacket on. Guys with broken jaws routinely play with their jaws wired shut. Guys that have teeth knocked out or get a serious laceration are sewn up in the dressing room and sent back out on the ice within minutes!

All of this and hockey still doesn't have a national TV contract due to low ratings. WHY AREN'T YOU PEOPLE WATCHING??????

Big T

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