Restaruant Adventures: Chipotle

This tale begins with a trip to the Urgent Care medical facility. The wife and I arrived home from work about the same time a few weeks ago. She had ankle socks on and while her feet and ankles were of normal size, her legs above the sock line were blown up like a salami float in the Macy's Day Parade.

Off to the doctor who asked "Have you eaten anything unusual lately?". The wife paused and then said "Well, we did have Chipotle." As the doctor raised her head in interest, I added "Six days in a row!" At that point the doctor stopped her examination and looked at us like we were idiots. I shrugged my shoulders, threw my hands up and said "What?"

Ingredient bar - click to enlarge

Apparently, the salt shakers used at Chipotle are so big they have handles on  them. It turns out that the sodium content of their burrito is higher than a salt lick. Who knew?

So we waited a few days for the swelling to go down before we went back to eat there again. A prudent decision on our part I think. Then it was off to the local Chipotle where the burrito maker doesn't like the wife. Why? Because she's very particular and very indecisive and always has a special order. She thinks of the menu as ingredients for her to make up her own recipes. And while there is no problem with special orders at a nice sit-down restaurant, the wife thinks she can do it even when the only menu is a lit up board behind the counter while 15 people wait in line to her rear.

I knew it was coming, so I jumped in front of the wife to get my order before she pissed him off again. Chivalry be damned, I wanted to make sure I got my burrito without a side of saliva in it. The wife stepped up and asked the burrito man if she could get rice without salt on it. Surprisingly, the normally rude employee said he could get her rice without salt by opening a new steamed rice container and giving her some before it hit the stove. He talked to the cook and after a few minutes he had a fresh, unsalted, bowl of rice ready to go.

"There's salt on everything!"

Whew! It looked like we would avoid an altercation and get out without a scratch. Sadly, no. The wife couldn't leave well enough alone. "Do the beans have salt on them?" she asked with her head slightly tilted and an inquisitive look on her face. The burrito man's head dropped with his hands resting on the counter as his fingers curled up into fists. The fifteen people in line behind her all dropped their heads and shoulders in dismay and let out a sigh as they could see they wouldn't be eating any time soon.

"Yes there's salt in the beans and no, I can't take the salt out." the burrito man said sharply. The wife started to ask about the bell peppers and onions. Seeing where this was headed, the burrito man cut her off mid-sentence and said "There is salt on everything!" "EVERYTHING!" he said as he waved his hands repeatedly over all the ingredients that lay before him. "Oh", the wife said, "I'll have it all anyway."

Onward and upward. The wife decides she wants frozen yogurt for dessert. Can't stand the stuff myself. She has a variety of places to go but tonight she wants Frapy's because she has bought ten of them and had her little card punched each time, making her eligible for a free one. At this store, you pour your own yogurt and they charge you by the weight.

Our local franchise owner at his store

She gleefully presents her card and the kid behind the counter hands her a small cup. The wife hands it back, thinking there must be some mistake, and proudly states that she always buys the large size. The kid hands it back again and patiently explains the free yogurt is the small one no matter what size you normally buy. Undaunted, she headed off towards the yogurt stations with her little cup while I waited at the check out counter near the front of the store.

A few minutes later the kid behind the counters blurts out "Oh my god!" and as I turn to look, I see the wife walking up to the counter with what looks like a yogurt Eiffel Tower in her hands. The yogurt is piled so high that she's swaying back and forth trying to balance it so it won't tip over and she's stutter stepping like she's doing a high wire act. It was two feet high in a 5 inch cup. Other people in the store were clapping and cheering like she'd set the Guinness world record! All the kid could say was "Wow! I've never seen anything like that before!" Moral of  the story: If it's free, the wife is going to get her money's worth.